Recently I was out for drinks with a few friends. We were sitting at the bar, drinking and chatting and just generally having a great time when behind the bar I noticed the bartender pull down from the shelf two unlabeled plastic bottles. Ah shit, I thought, here we go again. My fears were confirmed as the bartender threw one of the bottles up in the air and caught it, wobbly but more or less balanced, on the back of his hand. I knew we were in for a demonstration of a tedious yet increasingly popular trend; flair bartending.
The bartender began to toss and spin the bottles around. Over his shoulder and behind his back, under his arm, between his legs etc. this went on for a while before eventually the show ended with the bottles caught and inverted over a tumbler rapidly filling with coloured water, this accompanied by the bartender’s smug grin and the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ of the various mooks sat at the bar. My friends included.
I gritted my teeth.
I hate flair bartending. Flair bartending or ‘flairtending’ is just juggling by another name and- juggling? Sucks. It’s playing catch, with yourself. Just because it’s difficult enough that most people can’t do it doesn’t mean it’s exciting to watch. When was the last time you saw a juggler and were honestly impressed? Probably not since you were a child. If it’s been since then, the juggler most likely had to go to some pretty great lengths to make their act entertaining, like juggling flaming chainsaws or something. And even then I wouldn’t be surprised if down in a deep, dark corner of your soul the real reason you felt so compelled to watch was the possibility of seeing that juggler running around in circles, screaming and flapping his handless stumps to try and beat out thefire now engulfing him…
Ahem. Sorry, that may have been a bit harsh. My beef here isn’t with jugglers, as such, so long as they confine their antics to appropriate locations such as children’s birthday parties and small town fairs. It’s the absurd combination of juggling with bartending that I really take issue with.
Juggling is in no way related to, or assists in, the core tasks that it is a bartender’s job to perform. A bartender makes drinks and serves them to customers. I’ll even expand the list of duties to ones that are expected but not essential, such as the ability to make small talk with customers, be quick with a joke (or a light up your smoke) and to have a sympathetic ear for customers who have a story they need to tell. None of those things require a bartender to be able to throw a bottle and then have it come back to exactly where it was before he threw it. A juggling bartender makes about as much sense as a plumber who does card tricks or bus driver who swallows swords.
Maybe you doubt whether I’m qualified to expound on this topic. Maybe you disagree with me and you love flair bartending or you’re just indifferent and think as long as it’s not hurting anyone, who cares?
First- lest you doubt my authority on this subject, know that I speak as someone who not only drinks in bars but who also works in them. I’ve pulled more than enough pints and mixed enough martinis to speak from a position of some authority. I’ve worked with other bartenders who ‘flairtend’ and they fall in to two groups. Either they are very young and it’s their first or second bartending gig. They still consider the profession ‘romantic’ instead of ‘vaguelydepressing’ and have seen the movie Cocktail more than once. This type of flairtender eventually matures, realises their folly and outgrowstheir brief dalliance with flair. The other type of flairtender is just an irredeemable assholeand closeted busker.
Second- If you love flair bartending- it’s probably only because you’re drunk when you see it and drunk people are generally pretty easy to impress. But you shouldn’t love it because flair bartending hurts everyone who enjoys drinking at bars. It does so in several ways. For one, time spent juggling is time spent not making drinks, so it takes longer to get your order. Secondly, flair bartending is the sort of useless ‘fluff’ that gives bars an excuse to charge you $10 for a $4 drink. And finally, flair bartending is a dangerous liability. People just shouldn’t be throwing bottles around in the bar. Most bartenders who attempt flair aren’t very good at what they’re doing. And on top of that it’s probably takenthree or fourvodka redbulls for the bartender to loosen up enough to be around drunk people until three in the morning. Together these things mean that there’s a good chance that at some point the flairtender mightscrewup his act. And screwing up his act means spilled drinks and broken glass which, granted, will probably end up being more entertaining than the flair itself but not if you’re the guy whose pint ends up in his lap.
A digression and confession; this happened to me once and, besides my professional objection to the practice, is probably my biggest reason for hating flair bartending.
So what can you do, as a consumer, to help put an end to this practice? My first suggestion would be to try and avoid the sort of places that condone flair. This isn’t always going to be possible, so my second suggestion applies to the way you tip. Never don’t tip. Most people don’t tip enoughand it’s no good trying to solve the flair problem if it means adding to the chintzy tipper problem. Tip the flair bartender the same way you would tip a single mother with three kids working at a diner who only came by to refill your coffee once; out of pity instead of as a reward.After you put your money on the bar, take the bartender’s hand and give it a slight squeeze,put on a concerned look as you make eye contact and slowly shake your head ‘no’. Eventually he’ll figure it out and stop juggling. Or save up enough to finally run off to join the circus where he belongs.
I absolutely agree. Anything that keeps me waiting for my drink, when I’ve already be standing among the crowd trying to get the bartender’s attention, is just a further inconvenience. The true victim is that beautiful bottle of gin, vodka or tequila that has not been able to complete its mission in life as it ends up coating the floor instead of in my glass for my enjoyment. Wonderful article Garrett.
You’re right, sitting at the bar with some tosser flinging bottles in the air is both unnerving and quite annoying. An unwelcome distraction I can always do without. Just pour the goddam drink for christ’s sake! Good work. It needed to be said.
I like being entertained because I lose interest very quickly if I am just sitting in a bar. If the bartender is doing a great juggling act I would enjoy it. I like the flair and the glitz but do not want to be charged extra for it:)
To be honest, I’ve never once seen flair and I’ve been to a ton of bars, so it can’t be that big of a problem….cheers, Garrett, you pour a mean pint!
How bitter and twisted does this article sound. Lighten up.
I disagree with your description of duties. The job of a bartender is to entertain his guest, keep him/her amused, and ensure that his/her night is good.
The growing trend of flair bartending is probably cause because a lot of people actually like it. Maybe the bars you go to are not right for you, or if the bartender is flairing for you instead of pouring, he’s clearly doing a poor job getting to know what you like inorder to stay happy.
I flair alot my self, but i would never in my life flair for a person that i felt didn’t like it. Unless i was bartending at an actual flairbar, ofcourse, in which case it would be what i was hired to do.
Maybe you should try some different bars and make it clear that you’re not into the whole flair thing. I guarantee you that no bartender would try to amaze you with his juggling tricks, if you’ve had a friendly conversation with him in advance.
Obviously I was being a bit hyperbolic in the article, it’s just easier to write about something when you exaggerate how you feel about it. Compared tp all of the other, real, problems in the world this one is pretty insignificant.
I know how to avoid bars where ‘flairtending’ is practiced and 99% of the time I’m able to do just that. But sometimes it’s socially inconvenient to do so i.e. the flairbar is where my friends want to go. But that’s not even the point. Even if I never had to see it I would still hate the idea of. It’s sort of a matter of aesthetics… I am offended by other people’s poor taste especially when I have to share a society with them. Flairtending just honestly isn’t that entertaining. It’s fluff. It is a complete triumph of form over substance. It worries me that so many people seem to prefer juggling and magic tricks to less expensive and more quickly made drinks. People shouldn’t like those things I don’t like, in this case, because I think I have a pretty good reason for not liking them. I know I’m sounding like a bit of a fascist here and I wish I had some more time to write a better defense of my position but… you know… I just really fucking hate flair bartending.
@Garrett Irvin
I really do have to concur with you on this. Any individual who has had the luxury of seeing a real bartender at work, would know that the craft, to a true professional, is a sacred procedure.
Take for instance, a traditional English or perhaps a Japanese bartender. From the moment a guest enters the bar, he is acknowledged with at least an eye contact and a nod, followed by a prompt inquiry to their desired drink. A napkin is then placed in front of the guest to acknowledge the order, in which the bartender goes on to display the ingredients for the drinks(eg. places the required bottles within the guests view), then moves on to stir(without hitting the ice or making clanking sounds) or shake the drink(while smiling and or making small talk, usually to know the guests preferences or background so as to serve him better), ending with the drink being served/placed on the napkin whilst announcing the name of the drink and “please enjoy”.
In my own words, it would be a bar’s pride and honor to have an excellent bartender with poise and reverence, as a respectable household would to an experienced butler.
I love my cocktails mixed to perfection. I like consistency. Letting a bottle of spirit, the pride of a distiller, bubble up with all that tossing, and in turn altering the overall construct is an absolute blasphemy to the craftsman and the product.
Flair-tenders, at the end of the days, are nothing but jugglers who memorizes recipes and could not care less about the end product. And any respectable gentlemen who has a true love for his poison would not stand to have it sullied in such a sacrilegious way.
My apologies if i sound to harsh for some, but i do love the art and i still do stand for each and every single word i have presented.
Alvin-